Saturday, March 29th, on a walk to purchase some boxes from an open UPS store on 12th and Wood, I was struck by magnitude of poverty and the endless run down, boarded up abandoned beauties of yesterday. Spring Garden between 4th and 12th was littered with these building, many grand feats of architecture in their day. The magnificence shone through the dilapidated and notice strewn, graffiti painted walls . I’m sure the 20’s/30’s in Philadelphia were a hoot. Today, these remnants are a stark reminder of the reality that change is constant and unavoidable.
I’ve never shied away from engaging with people on the streets, but this particular day, I was overcome with sadness. Not a sadness to feel pity or see them as victims. Sadness that they are experiencing suffering. After greeting about a half dozen or so people living on the streets, and walking by countless others that were sleeping on grates, begging on corners, passed out in wheelchairs, my heart wept. What could I DO? And at that moment, all I could do was to hold love in my heart and kindly engage anyone I came across, letting them know that they are important. That was it. I couldn’t solve it in that moment, I couldn’t scoop them up out of their misery or despair or confusion. I could just BE. (Thank you God for that reminder….I don’t always have to DO, something i can just BE).
Once I purchased the boxes needed to construct my photography lightbox (that’s another story…), i decided to UberX it home. A splurge as i could’ve carried the boxes, but they were a bit awkward. Now, for those who know me, I would never have taken UberX in a million years (sorry UberX drivers). For whatever reason, I felt more safe, secure and just “better” in a black car or SUV. However, this particular week I found myself in a situation where I could afford UberX. So, without thinking twice, I ordered one up. Watch for my upcoming UberX tales to learn more about how my circumstances have created huge opportunities for me, and UberX rides have shown me how.
A guy in what seemed to be a 90’s nissan altima or something like it pulled up, and I hopped in the front seat, 2 UPS boxing riding comfortably in the back. He was a life long Philly guy, going out to do rides to get out of the house on such a nice day. We talked about the weather, Philly as a city, about the homeless population and how lucky we were. I found out he lived on his own and smoked cigarettes which was just a habit and when it’s winter he goes into cabin fever. He seemed a bit lonely, but also seemed to be happy to be out and about. It was pleasant enough and we parted ways having connected if only for 7-8 mins.
Fast forward, to the following day, Easter Sunday in christian traditions. After my 2PM Soul Cycle ride, I decided to walk home (saving $$’s and it was a nicer day – mid 50’s). On the way home, I decided that I needed to “do something.” I needed to give and help in some way, so I searched online for volunteer opportunities in Philadelphia – nothing. Hmmm, ok don’t give up I told myself. So I called project Home and offered my services, but was told that they don’t do much for Easter, so no help was needed. Hmpf. Ok, well, let’s meander around, enjoy the day and make our way home. 2/3 of the way home, I took a small detour, not sure why, but ended up running into my new friend Joe.
He was sitting outside of a building in the sun, and he caught my eye. I said hi as i do to anyone who’s eye catches mine and he said hello back. “I hope you have a good day out here,” I said and he replied “thanks” in what seemed to be a voice that just seemed out of place. In fact, at first glance, his entire appearance didn’t make much sense to me. Most folks i meet who live on the street are not well shaven, seem to be partially conscious or aware, have raggedy clothing, and Joe didn’t fit that bill. Though he was wearing black sweatpants and sweatshirt and seemed a bit worn, he was clean shaven, had just a coat and a small shopping bag next to him. It didn’t add up. So, about 5 paces away from him, I stopped, turned back and asked him what he was doing out here.
He answered in what seemed to be a pretty aware/conscious manner, just telling me that he was resting. I let him know that he didn’t seem to belong here, and asked him a few more questions on why he was out here, who he was, and he responded back by showing me a couple books that he was reading. He said he’d seen the movie of one, but the book was much better.
So here I was, engaged in a conversation with a man that I didn’t know much about, and couldn’t quite figure out. Somehow he didn’t “belong” out there, yet in some way it made sense. Yet something just didn’t feel right.
I don’t think he asked for money, or maybe he did, and I told him I had no cash (because i did not), but what could i do? He asked for a meal….and that was that. This was the beginning of a couple hour journey with Joe.
As he got up and I asked where he wanted to eat, he hesitantly reached out for my hand, I grabbed it with enthusiasm and he thanked me. He seemed awe struck that I would speak with him let alone shake his hand.
For the first 5 -10 minutes, Joe seemed to wonder why I was doing this, and in fact, asked me outright. I let him know that I wanted to go for a walk and get to know him. And that if I can get someone a meal, I’m happy to do it.
On our walk to one of the burger places he likes, we talked about many things, the books he’s read, the dynamics of the media world, his big ideas and how he needed intros to the leaders at Comcast and Fox. I told him I probably couldn’t get meetings with them when i started out, but I started by taking any job i could get.
We talked about how great our country is, and how he’s read the entire bill of rights and constitution and that he feels we are lucky to have such liberties and freedoms. As we passed some of the historical monuments, he shared some facts and tidbits about our founding fathers, the banks and the constitution itself. He liked to be in the park near the liberty bell as it reminded him of how lucky we are.
He asked how i “made it,” or so he thought I made it. I gave him some of my stories and said that I was willing to do anything I could to pay the bills when I dropped out of Notre Dame. He then shared with me how he dropped out of college, his family disowned him, and he had lived on the streets for 15 years. His vocabulary was strong, and his communication skills were good. His mind was there, he was present. Yet, I felt a sense of struggle, of victimhood, which I did not judge, just noticed. He felt he had no way out.
We arrived and his favorite burger place had shut down, I felt more than comfortable walking to somewhere else. He seemed grateful and hey, I was enjoying learning about and connecting with him. So we headed south, to no other than Jim’s steak shop on South Street. I guess a Philly guy likes Philly steaks.
We strolled and enjoyed our conversation, talking about the power each of us have. That if we want it, we can get it. We talked about not being a victim and taking charge, because alas, no one was going to “rescue” us. I felt i was talking just as much to myself in these moments. Joe consistently referred to needing a break and not wanting to live on the streets, but was OK with it. He felt like this would be his past and that he would want to have a family and a job some day.
We stood in line at Jim’s Steaks for 35 minutes, and once we got up to the counter to order, they asked us each what we wanted, Joe told them what he wanted, the only way to get a cheesesteak by the way, with cheez whiz and fried onions. The man turned to me and i told him i wouldn’t be getting anything, and Joe piped in with, she’s got my back, she’s here with me. I had a feeling that felt good to him. If even just for a moment, I could help him feel seen, appreciated, loved, accepted and supported, well, then I am content.
We strolled out Philly steak and stella artois in hand and headed toward constitution park, where he would like to enjoy his steak and beer.
As we walked side by side, I let him know that I don’t judge him at all, and that I believe in him. If he wanted that, then he would create it. We talked about why it was so hard for him to find a job, and at every turn of “reason” or excuse, we came up with solutions. I found out he had been convicted of a few crimes, and I let him know that he could work again.
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.” Mahatma Gandhi
My mind began to whirl with ideas and how i wished I’d done more to support ex-cons as a business leader. Who could i reach out to that might hire him? Rather than try to solve his problem, right then, I decided to listen, to be present. I felt that with his intelligence and ability to communicate, I believed he could get a job. So, we talked through how to do that – practically. Like clothing, applications and going to these places in person. We talked about persistence. And that where we put our energy is where we get our returns. So without judgement, if he wanted to read books and hang out in libraries, that was fine, but the dream of having a family and a job would be just that, a dream. He seemed to get it. He seemed to be feeling seen. Accepted. He thanked me for spending time with him.
2 hours later, after a big hug and a thank you (from both of us) I walked toward home, having given Joe my email. And I didn’t tell him know I’d like to hear how he’s doing because I felt badly, but because i truly wanted to know.
My heart full of gratitude, I felt like the Universe delivered. I wanted to help the homeless in some way today, and it turns out, I did. In that moment, all was right with the world. Not because i had bought a man a cheesesteak, but because I realized that I can be of service. In every moment. It doesn’t take massive efforts and movement building (although that is perfect too), it takes being present in the moment to connect with another human being on a heart level.
Thank you Joe, for reminding me that we are all connected, and that BEING service is the way, not DOING service.
As fate would have it, because of my little detour i ran into Rocky the bate dog withe a second chance, on the way home…that tale coming soon.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
– Mahatma Gandhi